


Better Than Reality TV

by BloodthirstyKitten, Kera_moondust



Series: Don't Work In Customer Service (All the Patrons are Assholes) [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Amusement Park, Demon Karkat, Dragon Terezi, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Holidays, M/M, Moth Maryams, Multi, Object Head Sollux, POV Second Person, Phoenix Dave, Polyamory, Side Story, Siren Eridan, Slime John, This Is Not How You Romance, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff, Werewolf Jade, free form, monster au, monsterstuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-28 04:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5077432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodthirstyKitten/pseuds/BloodthirstyKitten, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kera_moondust/pseuds/Kera_moondust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which everyone decides to go to the amusement park for Valentine's Day. EVERYONE. Causing various hijinks to ensue such as "Oh god why is there a fish girl in my lap while I'm trying to drive" and "Oh God are those butterflies really tasting me with their feet?"</p><p>Includes one(1) overly excitable Werewolf, one(1) disgruntled phoenix, one(1) razor sharp dragon girl, one(1) slightly annoyed object-head, one(1) poorly organized slime boy, one(1) exasperated demon, two (2) mer people, one (1) unidentified fish girl, two (2) moth girls, and hilarity that was definitely worth bringing the video camera along for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better Than Reality TV

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BloodthirstyKitten](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodthirstyKitten/gifts).



> So it's been a bit since we uploaded a story! But we have had this one in the works for well... quite some time! You may notice that this is a Valentine's Day centered fic, and it is well... October. But that's where the story timeline is at so we hope you enjoy the candy, and pastel hearts among all of the October spooks! Look froward to the second half of this story sometime soon! And the main story for the AU also being under development! Enjoy as always! ~ Kera

**> Enter Name == > **

Your name is Feferi Peixes and you just stumbled upon a really great thing to do for Valentine’s Day! This is _awesome_ because you know Sollux hasn’t even thought about what he’s taking you and Eridan to do yet. It’s not illegal for the girl to decide what’s happening on Valentine’s Day, you figure, and chances are Sollux was planning on just hanging with you on Valentine’s Day. You’re having none of that, though! He’s going to spend time with Eridan WITHOUT fucking or so help you god! 

You click the little link on Six Flags websites and see that tickets are not just on sale, they’re 60% off, and that’s a pretty damn good deal. It’s for Valentine’s Day, it’s this weekend, and it’s _perfect_ You wonder if Sollux is at work. If he is then he definitely won’t have his phone on him.

You could text Aradia and ask if he is in. She’s basically _always_ working and never follows the “no phone” rule. She constantly texts you about how awful and boring it is to be stuck behind a cash register all day. 

You pull out your bedazzled IPhone and begin to tap away a message. 

To: Aradia  
_)(ey gill! Is Sollux working? )(e’s just awful at c)(ecking )(is phone sometimes._

You tap the little send icon and turn back to your computer, wondering if you should message Eridan too. He’s probably on pesterchum, he’s always on pesterchum. _Especially_ since he doesn’t actually go to the classes he’s signed up for. You’ve told him before that it’s rude and a waste of money but he sucks at listening. 

It’s not long before Aradia texts you back. 

From: Aradia  
_hey! no im afraid sollux isnt working right now! i haven’t seen him in a little while now that you mention it. should i check on him?_

You frown. Well, at least he’s not working. That’s strange, Aradia sees him almost daily. You figure you can call him; maybe he’ll answer his phone? He’s not on pesterchum. You sigh to yourself. You reply to Aradia first, then pull up pesterchum to open a chat with Eridan.

To:Aradia  
_)(mmmm… Yeah t)(at mig)(t be a good idea. In t)(e meantime I will ask -Eridan if )(e’s )(eard from )(im. I’ll keep you posted!_

\-- cufflefishCuller [CC]  started pestering  caligulasAquairum [CA]  at 15:37 ! --

CC: ---Eridan!!   
CC: -----Eridan!! I know you’re home! 

\--  caligulasAquairum [CA]  is now an Idle chum ! –

CC: O)( no you dont!   
CC: You could not possibly be doing anything more important t)(an this conversation right NOW.   
CA: hold your cod damn horses for a second fef ill be on my computer more in a few minutes im doing something right noww  
CC: 38( --- Eridan this is important!   
CC: It concerns a certain mutual boyfriend!!   
CC: I reelly seriously need to know if youve )(eard from Sollux!   
CA: yeah? hes at my house right noww 

You can feel a small prickle of annoyance in you. He’s been with Eridan this whole time? Doing what?? Ugh, no, never mind they’re probably boning. Again. That’s all they ever do. Well (whale, hehe), looks like you’re going to be heading downtown to visit a certain duo of morons. You wonder how long they’ve been shacked up doing nothing. There is a good chance it’s been at least over twenty four hours of isolation and sex. You consider it to be your job to pull these morons out of each other’s nooks when they’ve been ignoring the world too long. 

CC: Sollux is wit)( you? And )(as been t)(is W) (OL--E time??? Cod! Tell )(im to check )(is damn P)(ON-E once in a w)(ile.   
CA: sol says his phone is in the car.   
CC: Ug)(, w)(ale… tell )(im not to go anyw)(ere. in fact bot)( of you dont move! i am going to come over. i will be over in twenty minutes! 38D

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC]  ceased pestering  caligulasAquarium [CA]  at 15:52 !--

You grab your phone remembering you need to text Aradia back and tell her that Sollux is indeed fine and nothing slippery is going down. You do hope she’s not horribly worried. 

To: Aradia  
_so! totally a false alarm! )(es been with -Eridan t)(is entire time! t)(anks anyways t)(ough!_

With that you grab your keys and hop into your car. You drive a turquoise Lamborghini (only the best on the market for the Peixes girls!) What? You think it’s rather subtle and cute, at least in comparison to the bright red limo your mom gets toted around in, and that bright pink convertible monstrosity with the under lighting that your sister drives when she’s not on that terrible motorcycle of hers. Good lord. 

**== > Feferi : Get to Eridan’s place**

You arrive at Eridan’s apartment in nearly twenty minutes. You end up being a few minutes late due to awful traffic and other things. You type in Eridan’s passcode on the pin-pad of his apartment building and almost start bouncing on your way up in the elevator; you get to tell them about their fantastic new plans this weekend. (Some people would say this is hardly enough of an excuse to go all the way to Eridan’s house and you should’ve just told him and Sollux over pesterchum, but you just had to go tell them in person. Those morons would never leave the house if it wasn’t for you.)

You step out of the elevator into the small slice of hallway that is not taken up by Eridan’s giant and _ridiculous_ apartment. You knock and wait patiently for one or both boys to let you in. 

Eridan opens the door wearing nothing but boxers. You make a bit of a face, scrunching up your nose in a way that you like to think people would interpret as completely ADORABUBBLE. You don’t actually know if it’s cute or not.

“Eridan! You shouldn’t answer the door in your boxers!” You say with a bit of a scoff.

He looks immediately offended, huffing out as he says “Whatever! I knew it was you. I didn’t feel like gettin’ fully dressed, so you can just deal with it.” He scrunches up his own nose in mimicry of yours. 

“Well, move your fishy butt out of my way so I can come inside.” You say tapping your foot a little impatiently. You DID just drive twenty minutes to get here, which is some actual effort. 

Eridan steps out of the way so you can make yourself inside. You are immediately greeted with a full frontal view of Sollux’s naked ass planted firmly on the couch holding a plate of something that looks dangerously close to Chinese takeout. Why the hell is he holding food? He can’t even eat!

“Oh my god! You’re not even dressed either?? Sollux, I’m ashamed. When did you become so lazy?” You say, letting your jaw slack open in disbelief. (You know he’s always been lazy, and a lot too attached to his computer) An angry .GIF starts flickering on Sollux’s screen.

Huh. So he’s not wearing his screen protector in here, well that... No, that actually makes sense. 

“I’m allowed to sit around naked with the dude I just boned. WE don’t ever get dressed right after fucking either.” He gently reminds you. Well, gentle for him. You can feel your face warm ever so slightly. You clear your throat.

“Well fine! Stay naked, I don’t even care; it’s not like I haven’t seen what you’re packing before.” You bubble in his direction. “I came here with some actual news!” You’re pretty sure your voice just rose an entire octave, if the looks Eridan and Sollux are giving you are an indication. 

Eridan plants his butt right next to Sollux, grabbing the plate of Chinese food and shoveling what looks vaguely like Chow Mein noodles into his toothy maw. Speaking with his mouth entirely too full he goes, “So what’s so important that it couldn’t wait until later and you had to come over here right this second?” 

You shuffle around in your purse, grab your phone, and shove the coupon on the screen in their faces. “Six Flags is having a Valentine’s Day sale!” You squeal. “And the three of us simply MUST go!” 

You think it’s an understatement to say that .GIF on Sollux’s face is less then enthused. He makes a loud scoffing noise. “What? Hell no, FF. That’s a horrible idea.” 

Eridan, however, has an expression of pure glee on his face. Score. “They’re having a Valentine’s Day sale?! I’m right with ya Fef; we should go! C’mon Sol, it’ll be _great_.”

You smile and nod enthusiastically beside him. This is going to be a blast! 

Sollux sighs dejectedly. “I guess I don’t really get a choice in the matter. The universe just hates me enough to have bestowed upon me two rollercoaster loving idiots to be with.” 

You’re really quite glad that he’s not planning on being an asshat about going to the amusement park! It will be good for the three of you to hang out and for _him_ to do something other than fuck Eridan. You’re pretty sure the only time they even hang out is when they’re having sex.

You spend the next several hours just hanging out with the boys discussing the minute details before deciding to head back home. You make a point to tell them to put some “cod-damn clothes on,” and “get yourselves out of this apartment it smells like week old Chinese food,” and call it good.

When you get home Meenah is sitting on the couch with— Wait. Wait a minute! 

“Meenah! What the hell?? That’s my computer! Why do you have it hooked up the to the TV!?”

She tilts her head ever so slightly in your direction, her serrated teeth visible in her smile. “Aw, you’re cute when you’re angry.” She completely ignores your question altogether. 

“Seriously! Why are you on my computer? You have your own!”

Your older sister gestures towards her own computer, sitting innoculously next to her on the couch. It’s pink. “I gotta use mine to keep in touch with my peeps.” Then she then gestures towards the TV. “And yours to play this boss ass game, lil sis. C’mon guppy, with the program.” 

You purse your lips and let out an annoyed huff. “You can’t just take my crap without asking.” 

Meenah puckers her lips and makes an obnoxious kissy face at you, accompanied with some glubbing noises as you storm out of the room to grab one of your other computers. You’ve got like... six. It’s not even a lot or anything, Sollux just likes to build them and you help him out with buying the parts so he gives most of them to you. Meenah happens to be using your tricked out gaming laptop.

You grab your MacBook from your room and return to the flop onto the couch beside your sister. She’s entirely too focused on whatever she’s playing. 

“So whatcha playin?” You ask as you turn on the MacBook. You have three tickets to Six Flags to buy. 

“League, can’t you see? Shit, man! I am pissing these dum-bass-es off so hardcore.” She snorts, not taking her eyes off the TV screen once. “So where’d you swim off too anyways, guppy girl?”

“I just went to tell Sollux and Eridan about this awesome Valentine’s Day sale Six Flags is having. We’re going; Eridan and I convinced Sollux.” You turn the screen towards your sister so she can get a gander at the tickets. She glances in your direction, but only for a second, looking back at the T.V. screen as soon as she could.

“Tell me all the deets, Fef! All of them. I gotta know.” She croons sweetly, scooting a little closer to you. Her razor sharp elbows dig into your side a little as she fusses with the game, and even though you’re really used to this it’s still annoying. You immediately frown. 

“Ugh, there isn’t anything else to tell you. Not _everyfin_ is some huge grand _thing_. We’re just going to the amusement park on Valentine’s Day! Just the three of us!” You say, making an effort to shove her back to her side of the couch. “And quit crowding me, you weirdo!” 

“ _OOooo!_ Just the three of you huh? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink!” She makes no effort to move back to her side of the couch, instead jabbing you in the side with her elbows. Right in the gills, if you were a lesser fish.

“Ow! That hurt! Go back to your side of the couch!” You pout, shoving her a little. “Ugh! And _NOTHING_ is going to happen! You hear me?!” 

“Uuh-huh. _Surrreeee._ Nothing.” That tone means she’s rolling her eyes in her head, ugh, why do you have to have a _sister_? “That’s it, I’m coming! And I’m bringing the video camera.” 

You scrunch your nose. “Meenah, you broke the video camera, remember? You tried filming Damara and she punched you in the nose. You dropped the camera. It’s broken. It was a huge ordeal, how do you not remember these things?” 

She shrugs offhandedly immediately, then makes a contemplative face. “Hmmm. Oh! I know!” She enthusiastically shuts your laptop, effectively logging off of League in the middle of a game and probably screwing more than a few people over. One hurried trip to the kitchen later, she crashes onto the bed with her giant duffel bag of a purse, arm shoved in it up to the elbow. She’s still too fucking close, ugh. 

Some struggling later, she managed to find and pull out her cell phone. It’s a huge ass galaxy note in a huge silicone mold of a bedazzled pink clam shell. It’s basically the size of her face. Nobody who sees her doing anything with this phone can take her seriously, but they know better than to mock the “shell” phone.

She scrolls through her contacts and you don’t miss that she’s dialing up her Maryam. 

“No Meenah. No. NO. _NOOOO!_ ” You say, grabbing at her. She evades you perfectly stumbling up from the couch as she answers her phone. The clam shell eclipses her head, stupid and sparkly.

“Heeyyy! Gilfrond! Porrim! So... I have a question for ya.”

“Meenah. What do you want?” You can hear Porrim’s dusky voice over the other line. You can even make out what she’s saying because the damn phone is so big and also hella loud wow.

“I need to borrow your video camera.” 

“Didn’t you break the last video camera you used?” 

“Shit man, why does everyone remember that? Come on, gill! The guppy’s taken her buoy fronds to the amusement park an’ it’s gonna be an ab-shoal-lute _treasure._ I gotta catch this one on camera! Help a sista out.” 

You think you hear Porrim scoff. Or maybe it was a laugh? You can’t tell through the foot of silicone shoved against your sister’s face. “You’ll have to convince me a little more than that, _gill_.” 

“Oh come _prawn,_ Maryam! Puh-lease? Please? Fef just told me, it’s prime time to _act_! She’s right here! Come ooonnn.” 

“Meenah. I’m afraid I think this is quite a ridiculous affair. You’ll have to try harder, so for my answer is for now ‘no.’ Now, I’m afraid I have to leave you; I’m still at work. Text me later. Or come down to the shop, considering you’re technically employed here, and do some work.” You hear the line go quiet. Meenah groans, wasting no time to hop off the couch and grab her motorcycle helmet from the hooks closer to the entrance way. 

“Meenah! You forgot your-“You call after her. She immediately turns around grabbing her duffle bag (you refuse to call it a purse) and huffs it out the door.

**== > Feferi: Follow Meenah **

Your name isn’t Feferi at all! So you definitely couldn’t have followed Meenah, though she just tore through the door of your house, so maybe you don’t have to follow her after all.

You are now a moth girl.

Wait.

Which one? There are currently _two_ moth girls in this place of residence. 

**== > Be the Younger Moth Girl **

You are now Kanaya Maryam and you are _desperately_ trying to get this dress form to cooperate with your fabric, but something just doesn’t look right. You’ve been working on this homework assignment for your sewing class for hours now and you’ve been having trouble getting it just right. 

You’re probably just over stressing it. You’re pretty good at the whole fashion thing, and your classmates turn in… _lackluster_ projects… in comparison most weeks.

You’re leaning in to pin some fabric when you hear the door open in a rush down below you. It slams against the walls, sending the bells on it into a cacophony of obnoxious ringing. You’ve been working in the loft over the tattoo shop, a small area you had claimed as your fashion “studio” at the beginning of the year. Last year, while you were still attending Prospit for genetics, it has been your study area instead. Fashion, you decided, suited you more. You’d rather hone your skills at art school than slave away learning something you only have a vague interest in. 

You don’t even have to pay attention to hear Meena Peixes’s bellow through the bells. 

“Por, babe, baby, you _can’t_ be serious! You gotta let me borrow the camera! It’s going to be gold, I just know it, twenty-four fuckin’ karats here. You didn’t actually mean it ‘cause of last time, right? Right??” 

You think you can hear Porrim chuckling. You attempt to resist the urge to spy and immediately fail, peeking over the ledge and watching your sister and her friend. Porrim is leaning over the counter towards the front of the little tattoo parlor, smirking as Meenah makes wild pleading gestures, her hands still clutching both her helmet and her giant purse. 

“Of _course_ I wasn’t serious, Meenah. I simply thought it was better if your little sister didn’t know your plan. The condition is, however, that you have to put up with my company for the entire duration. I don’t want you alone with my tech.” 

Meenah woops in triumph, fist pumping the air. 

“Shit yeah! This is just going to be so _good_ I can feel it! Last time I went to hang with my sis and her friends, her little buoyfrond blew a fuse at the youngest Ampora. It was fuckin’ hilarious, and I should have had your camera.” You can see your sister frown a little at the mention of the Amporas. She’s got quite the grudge against Eridan’s older brother, Cronus, and it’s only been made worse since he started dating Karkat’s brother.

“Yes, all right. What are we doing, exactly?” 

“According to Fef, there’s this Valentine’s day sale goin on at Six Flags this weeke-”

Your sister cuts her off. “Oh my, Ms. _Peixes!_ Are you asking me out on a date? You _know_ that isn’t my scene.”

“Cut the carp, gillfrond! You know I ain’t into you like that.” 

You see your sister shake her head, chuckling at Meenah. “Are you sure? You seem to be into me running my hands over you... fussing with my own jewelry, even.

“It’s in my fuckin’ nipples, Maryam, obviously I’m into that ship.”

“And you beg so nicely.”

“I never beg! Stop tryin’ to make it romo; you don’t even do that shit.”

“Of course, you’re right.” Your sister, as you know her, is strictly aromantic. Polyamorous aromantic pansexual. Meenah is one of her... partners, being somebody who steadfastly has no romantic inclinations towards your sister. “Now, do me a favor and make yourself useful in this establishment. You’re technically employed.” 

You’re kind of invested now, but the conversation seems to be stalling as Meenah grumbles and finds somewhere to drop her purse/helmet combo. Then a hand finds its way between your shoulder blades and you jump, looking around to see that sometime in the last few minutes while you were spying on your sister and her friend, your girlfriend had made her silent way back to your side. She’s wearing your shirt.

“So... It seems one of the threeways is planning on going to the amusement park.” You don’t know how long she’s been listening, but apparently long enough. 

“So it would seem. Meenah doesn’t have the cunning to be so emphatic if it weren’t the truth.” You give your girlfriend and affectionate peck on the cheek, tangling your arms around her midsection. 

“Good luck to them,” Rose says, kissing you back. You probably have a mark on your cheek. “It’s going to be hell getting there.”

You and she have plans to stay in and do absolutely nothing, just be together, the two of you. As much as you adore your friends, you’re quite relieved that nobody has attempted to invite the two of you out on some sort of group date. You deserve a relaxing holiday – heaven knows that any holiday big enough to warrant a family gathering is always a trainwreck. Always, without fail.

You do wish your mother didn’t keep trying to shove three families, and their respective others, and all the children, into one arguably small suburban house.

“Anyways,” Rose begins shrugging out of your grip, “I was coming out to say that I’m to be heading home shortly. Not for very long, but I’m afraid I left some things at the apartment, and I need it.”

“Oh?” While it wasn’t uncommon that Rose came and went from your house (she was pretty much strewn evenly throughout the Maryam household and her own at this point), it was surprising to note that she managed to forget something. It happens rarely enough that you feel justified in some ribbing. “The great Rose LaLonde, forgetful?”

“It will be in the papers.” Rose kisses you again, this time on the other cheek as she draws away. “Rose LaLonde, mystery fishwoman, forgetting her texts! The world falls out of balance. Mass hysteria ensues. More on page five.”

“I probably won’t be done by the time you return,” you call after her, “so expect me right here.”

“Yes, of course, dear.”

With that, you watch your (beautiful, wonderful, glorious) girlfriend, wearing your shirt, grab her keys and head out. She passes by Meenah and Porrim, who are scaring the shit out of some dude who doesn’t know how bad it’s going to hurt to get his first tattoo, and joins in for a minute or two. Moments like this are at least half the reason you chose this spot as your makeshift design studio. 

**== > Kanaya: Follow Rose Home **

There are a multitude of reasons as to why you cannot do that. One, Rose isn’t home yet. Two, you’re not even Kanaya! Whoops!

You are now Jade Harley, and you just found out that there is a Six Flags nearby _and_ they’re having a Valentine’s Day sale! This is quite possibly some of the best news have heard in months! You immediately decide that your boyfriend has to take you. You and his other girlfriend.

You can see him from where you’re sitting, from the side chair. He’s on the couch with Terezi, rapid-fire dictating everything that’s happening on-screen to her as you’ve been browsing your usual sites (Tumblr, FurAffinity, DeviantArt) when the ad came up and... Well, you have a weakness, and it’d be a wonderful romantic outing. You’d like to think you know all about Amusement Parks! (You’ve never actually been to one, but that’s just technicalities.) 

“Dave! Mister Strider! Buttface! Did you know there’s an amusement park nearby? They’re having a Valentine’s Day sale this weekend. We have to go! No. We _are_ going!”

He shrieks like a prepubescent child as you jump from your seat (literally leaping, pulling those dogish legs of yours under you and propelling like an anime character) and tackle him into the couch. Nothing like some spontaneity to liven up his... everything! Obviously you’re interrupting the video game they’re playing (you don’t care for for it, doesn’t look appealing, and you can’t even kick their asses with the FPS), but you don’t mind. 

“Whoa, Harley! What the dicksauce?” Dave finally manages to say through having the wind knocked out of him, sprawled disgracefully on the couch over two cushions and Terezi. 

“Miss Sour Apple Candies! Release our boyfriend! I can’t see the what I’m doing!” Terezi barks out from in front of you, holding the controller high above her head. She pauses before she dies, of course, but now the two of them are staring at you blank-faced, probably because they were paying no attention to you before you literally crashed into their everything.

“Wanna run that by me again?” Dave asks, flattening the muff of feathers that sproinged out of his neck as though he entirely intended them to be there. What a nerd.

“Amusement park. Six Flags. We’re going. It’s going to be the most awesome thing _ever_. We have to go! All three of us. It would be just the _most_ romantic date!” You make a point to wiggle your way in between Dave and Terezi and look at both of them as a strange pretzel of limbs and tails. Your tail’s in Dave’s face, your ears at Terezi’s neck. It’s perfect.

“You’ve definitely been talking to Karkles too much,” Dave says through a face full of fur. There’s some spitting and blaugh-blaugh-bleeegh-ing as he tries to move it, fails, and resigns to his furry fate. “The answer’s no, dude.”

“Tereziiiiii, back me up here!” You sniffle from between them, pouting. She just grins and puts a finger in front of her mouth – the scaly jerkface. “Come _on_ Dave, I know you’re just saying that because you don’t think it’s cool or something! But you’re already a lame nerd so it doesn’t matter.” 

“Dude, Harley, have you even ever been to an amusement park? They’re lame, and the rides look like they’re going to break at any minute. It’s like, whoa, look at that wooden rollercoaster death trap! Let’s go ride it and fly off the handles into space! No dead bodies here, you aren’t even in the same atmosphere anymore.” Dave pauses, making some gesture that conveys something along the lines of looking up at Terezi. You move your tail to check. You’re right. “Sorry babe, looks like there isn’t even a good crime scene for you to sniff at because I was burned up by the sun or some shit from being launched out of a haywire rollercoaster.”

Terezi snorts. “Dave, I’m a prosecutor. But! In this case, obviously I would have to investigate the crime scene because no detective would be worthy of the task! They’d have to call me in!” She throws up her hands, clocking you squarely in the head. Then the hand falls and oh god the fingers are almost up your nose you’re trapped you should have thought this through better. 

“Tereziiiiiii,” you whine again in a desperate plea. It’s a little muffled because hand. Hand in face. “Help me out hereeeeee, it’ll be a blast!” You say, attempting to wiggle your way out from the knot you’ve made between the couch, your boyfriend, and your boyfriend’s other girlfriend. You’re failing miserably. 

Thankfully, Terezi takes pity on you. She likes to see (smell?) Dave squirm more than you do. “Miss Sour Apples is right Dave; you haven’t taken us on a date in ages. When was the last time?” 

“The three of us did Halo just few days ago!” Dave defended.

“Dave! That’s not a date and you know it!” You whine at him, literally pulling out a puppy dog whine. You probably have something akin to the face going on, though he can’t see it. It’s not like you can really help it, you’re a werewolf! It just comes out sometimes!

“Fine! Fine! I’ll take you guys to the stupid amusement park! Just don’t be surprised when it’s super gross and there are tourists everywhere scarfing down shitty ass fried food.” Dave shudders from the tangle of limbs you have become.

“Oooh, a chance to people watch? And delicious food? Why _wouldn’t_ you want to go, again, Mister Marinara?” She twists, sending all three of you to the floor, and kicks Dave in the chest. He oofs spectacularly, struggling to freedom as you suffocate under the force of your boyfriend’s girlfriend’s wings.

It’s at this moment the door opens and a certain slimy cousin of yours enters.

“John! Help us convince Dave that we’re going to the amusement park!”

“I already said we’re going, oh my god!” Dave grumbles, nursing his ribs and feathers. You struggle from the floor, breaking free of the clutches of your troublesome boyfriend and his other girlfriend. You bounce over towards John excitedly, your tail knocking an empty glass off the coffee table in your mad dash for the door. 

You can feel your whole entire backside wagging in excitement. You’re so excited to go to an amusement park, oh god! John lets out a surprised noise as he stumbles backward, quickly bracing himself for hug impact. You’re on top of him in no time at all, crashing almost to the ground then pulling him into the air and twirling him into the apartment.

You really, really, really like hugs. 

John gives you a disgruntled look when he’s put down again, making sure all of his limbs are in one piece. “Oh! Well good! What exactly is going on up there this weekend anyways that makes you want to go?”

You answer for them. “It’s Valentine’s Day, you moron! They have a couples deal going on!” A quick pause. “Hey, wait. Does that mean you knew there was an amusement park near here??” You’re certain that needs at least two question marks, because oh my god how could John know and you didn’t all this time!? You’ve been living in the city for nearly a year and a half!

John makes an ugly sputtering giggle sound in his throat. “Of course, everybody knows! Also Vriska was telling me about it before. Is Valentine’s Day really this weekend?” 

“Duh, you big dummy! It is the 14th of February every year. That hasn’t changed _ever!_ And you’ve got a _boyfriend_ you big idiot; you should definitely know that.”

“Oh my god I’m the worst boyfriend ever,” John says as he slams a hand into his face. “I can’t _believe_ I forgot about Valentine’s day! Karkat hasn’t said anything but I bet he’s been waiting for _me_ to say something. He loves romance. Shit, ok, I’m gonna do the same thing as you, and if anyone asks this was totally my idea.” 

Dave, from his perch back on the couch, scoffs. “Yeah, totally Egbert, this was definitely your idea. You are now a 5’9 werewolf girl with a ridiculously fluffy tail that knocks shit over. You’re not a slime, you never were. You have always have been and forever will be a wolf girl.” 

John’s skin darkens slightly in an unsettling manor. “Shut up, Dave!” John walks towards his room, slouching terribly. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a boyfriend to invite out.” 

Hell yeah, you’ve got the best plans for Valentine’s Day you’ve had in ages. It will be awesome. Dave and Terezi go back to their game as you stand awkwardly around, trying to decide what to do again.

It is at this moment that the door starts opening again. Huh. You weren’t expecting anyone else to come around tonight, but you’re going to guess from the jingle of keys, it’s Rose. You make your way back over to the computer, sitting back down and clicking to FurAffinity before she comes in. You waste way too much time on that damn website, but alas! There are just so many cute furries to look at!!

It would be wrong to say Rose burst through the room. She really doesn’t “burst” anywhere. She simply opens the door, shutting it gently behind her. She barely glances around the room, waving slightly to you and the gamers before heading towards her room.

You briefly consider following her. You really want to tell her about the amusement park. You’re just so damn excited about it, and plus you’re kind of curious as to what her and Kanaya are doing on Valentine’s Day. You don’t want to move though. You just sat down.

So you wait. “Hey Rose!” You call as she exits her room carrying a bag. It’s pretty evident she isn’t planning on staying.

“Hello, Jade. I was just running an errand, is there something you needed?” 

“Oh. I was just going to ask what your plans are for Valentine’s Day! I found this super awesome sale on tickets to the park up north and Dave’s going to bring us, and John’s gonna ask Karkat to go too!”

She purses her lips slightly, in that pondering way that makes you think she has an idea. She doesn’t say anything, however, beyond: “I was just going to spend the day in with Kanaya. She mentioned something about holidays usually being somewhat hectic and... wanted to spend the day with just me.” 

“Oh! Well, that should be nice. I hope you guys have a really nice day together!” You say with a genuine smile. “I’m pretty sure the amusement park is going to be so much fun, I can’t wait! Dave hasn’t taken Terezi and I out in so long Rose. Soooooo long! I was just a little curious. I have to double check that my idea is the best.” You say giving her a slightly exaggerated wink.

“Well, Jade,” she says with a small giggle, “I told Kanaya that I wouldn’t be gone very long. I’m going to get back over there.” She raises her voice to Dave and Terezi, who are ignoring her in favor of their game. “It was _so_ nice to visit with you guys!” She calls. “I’m reminded how much my presence is missed when I come back!”

Dave pointedly ignores her. You know him well enough by now to tell when he is obviously avoiding something. You think he even looks nervous? You don’t know what to make of Dave and Rose’s relationship half the time. It’s nothing at all like your relationship with your family! 

With that, Rose exits and you turn to give Dave a hard time about ignoring his sister. 

**== > Jade: Follow Rose back to Kanaya’s **

Well you definitely don’t have any business doing that! Firstly, you are already at Kanaya’s, and you have been for at least an hour. Secondly, you’re not Jade at all!

Your name is Rose LaLonde and you think you just felt your phone vibrate in your pocket. This vibrate wasn’t long or irksome enough to be a text message, so you assume it’s an app. Pesterchum, probably. With the next four notifications coming rapid fire as you extract it from your hip, you look and are greeted by predictable red text in the Pesterchum app you have installed on your phone.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG]  started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  at 19:55 ! --

TG: hey rose are you busy?   
TG: rose  
TG: rosey  
TG: sweet buttercup of the darkest forces  
TG: rosey don’t be busy u gotta pay attention to me  
TT: So it would seem.   
TG: ok awesome  
TG: so ive been playing this awesome video game with rezi like all evening and we have been working on this super cool campaign and theres this big bad final boss guy right  
TG: we were totally kicking its ass earlier which got me thinking like i should totally write a rap about big bad guys in video games or something  
TG: it could be a new sensation on the internet  
TG: writing raps about video games  
TG: anyway the point is we were sitting there just playing this awesome game like this is probably one of the best games ive ever played rose have you ever played any of the fable games  
TG: the third one is pretty good  
TG: well ok no thats kind of a total lie its pretty bad but its multiplayer so rezi and i can legit play it together which is pretty great  
TG: anyway the big boss is like this physical embodiment of darkness and terezi just totally kicked its ass like shes so much better at this whole rpg video games thing even though shes blind and i have to talk so goddamn fast for my girl  
TG: i feel like she plays way too much skyrim ok we got into a little bit of a fight about it  
TG: because as she said skyrim is so much better and she wants to conquer dragons rule over them as her supreme tyranny or some shit but i wanted to play video games too god damn it so we ended up playing fable  
TG: why is rezi so good at rpg games  
TG: shes like the overlording dragon queen of video games  
TG: well ok no probably not queen more like empress or like president  
TG: yeah shes the president of the beating dave striders ass at video games club i bet the only member besides her is harley and they hold meetings every wednesday   
TG: harley doesnt give two shits about rpg games but holy shit can that girl kick just about anyones ass at shooters i think the only person who could ever give her a run for her money with the sniper rifle in halo is maybe roxy and thats only because she has like five more years of experience  
TG: but harley is like the supreme secret agent man shes like guerilla warfare up in this bitch hiding where no one can possibly find her sniping you from the farthest corners of the map shit its like shes been to nam and knows just what to do  
TG: god both those girls are such bad asses like certified ready to kill you with wits and style and class better than anyone else on this god forsaken planet like shit son i wouldn’t want to get in the way of either of those two and if they team up its god help us all but like they probably both hand my ass to me like  
TG: here have a serving of some plush rump except its not a plush rump at all its my ass because i just got served and id just be like  
TG: oh shit  
TG: and be forced to enjoy my own choice ass on a platter and i have the best ass like its perfect no one can tell me otherwise i dont even care if egbert wants to argue with me and say its bony screw you my ass is fabulous  
TT: Must we discuss the finer details of your completely choice ass?   
TG: sorry i let that one run away with me right there  
TG: anyway the point was that these girls are both so great and i have been dating them for so long rose   
TG: so long  
TG: and i havent even been to an amusement park in so long either and shit rose what im trying to say is  
TT: That you don’t want to mess this up and you need dating advice?   
TG: that i could really use some sisterly support on how to make sure goes over smooth as fucking butter on bread  
TG: jesus really rose wow you couldn’t just let me say it on my own terms  
TT: You know, you should really know how to do this already, brother of mine. Haven’t you been dating these two for approximately two years?   
TG: oh not fair we havent actually gone out in like almost a year rose come on help me out here  
TG: little sis please  
TG: shit fuck  
TG: i mean big sis  
TT: Oh brother of mine, you know I’d love to help you out. I really honestly would, but it seems Kanaya has just decided she needs me to do some modeling for her homework. I must regretfully leave you. 

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT]  ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  at 20:22 !—

TG: no rose come back i need you  
TG: i need you in my life  
TG: i shall wither without you i can’t do this on my own

You have every intention to actually help your brother out, but. Later. You look over to where Kanaya has been sitting with her bust for the last few hours now, pins and needles held in her teeth. You pick up the book you had been reading, thumbing through the pages until you find the one you left off on. You aren’t actually needed to do any modeling but Dave won’t leave you alone unless you make it very clear that you can’t answer him at that moment. 

And even then, that’s hit and miss.

“So I think we should change our Valentine’s Day plans.” You say, keeping your eyes firmly on your book. Nonetheless you can see Kanaya above the edge as she pins a piece of fabric and turns to you. 

“I thought you were looking forward to our quiet evening in?” You can hear slight disappointment in her voice.

You don’t let it deter you. You know Kanaya thrives just as much as you do off of the misery and torment of your friends, as long as none of them are actually getting hurt. She just hides it much better than you. Unlike her, people don’t tend to call you motherly. They favor things along the lines of “mind invading therapy parasite,” and by “they” you mean Dave and... mostly just Dave. 

“Yes, but you see, my brother has just informed me that he and his rambunctious pair of personal space invaders will be going to the Amusement park on Valentine’s Day. He’s asking for my advice on how to date people he’s been dating for close to two years. Quite frankly, I’m one hundred percent certain this is going to be _hilarious_.”

Kanaya hums at you in response. You can tell she’s fairly interested though, because her antennas lift up just the slightest bit. 

“Can we reschedule?”

“Yes, I think it would be feasible to save our quiet evening in for a different night. Perhaps the night before?” 

“Ah, yes. Friday the thirteenth seems at least a little appropriate” You snicker, set aside your book, grab Kanaya from behind, and pull her onto your lap. She makes what could be interpreted as a squeak, if moths squeaked.

“I’ll be sure to bring the video camera on Saturday.” She says in a way that’s so matter-of-fact that you almost forget that these are actions some people might find it vindictive. Or, at the very least, a little cruel. 

After a night of, ah. “Snuggling” your girlfriend, you do go back to the computer and give Dave serviceable advice.

**== > Rose: Cut to the Chase and get to the Amusement Park Already! **

“TRAFFIC FUCKING _SUCKS!!_ ” 

Err. You may have noticed that you aren’t really Rose LaLonde anymore and therefore cannot follow her to the amusement park. Not that it would matter anyhow, since she’s not there yet. In fact, no one is there yet; it isn’t even open yet! Your name is Jade Harley and you are _TRYING!_ to drive. You didn’t quite realize the traffic was so bad at this time of morning. No wonder Rose decided to wait.

You give Karkat a pointed look at his outburst, hollering at the top of his lungs from the back seat where he’s trapped between Terezi and John. 

“What is even with this fucking traffic! It’s literally the worst festering lump squirt in the history of monsterkind! You know what? I’m pretty much certain this is the reason mankind went extinct. This is why we all turned into horrendous gene spliced science fiction monstrosities! It wasn’t weird ass evolution changing our goddamn makeup so puberty does some goddamn fucked up shit, it was stop-and-go traffic at what the fuck o’clock in the morning on what’s supposed to be my favorite day of the entire godforsaken year. _Not_ that it even matters what my opinion is! I’m busy being ignored, because these two fuckwits are invested in bringing into real life the most useless internet game in the entire history of the internet and reinventing the Facebook poke war. And you two up front are doing god knows fuck all!”

At this moment, Dave decides to recline and promptly shoves his chair back as far as it could go, effectively positioning his face almost directly below Terezi’s tits. She immediately decides the best course of action is to include Dave in the poke war going on behind you. She pokes Dave’s increasingly feathery neck before turning her claws back on John from around Karkat’s squished, shrieking self. She jabs him in the shoulder, and you hear the gross pop as her sharp nail actually sinks into the gelatinous membrane of your cousin’s skin.

Karkat groans, which causes your sudden fit of giggles. This giggle fit is entirely short lived, however, when you’re forced to slam on your breaks because there’s idiots driving today! This sends everyone flying forward in their seats. There’s about half a second of silence before Karkat starts raging again, almost frothing at the mouth, saying what you assume is supposed to be words, but you can’t even pick them out.

“Shoosh!” Terezi urges him with a grin, pressing a scale plated hand to Karkat’s cheek. 

This is short lived when Karkat’s incoherent yelling increases by about ten decibels. 

You turn your head to directly glare at them. “Would you shut up?! I’m trying to drive, Hello!” 

“Holy shit Harley! The road! Watch the fucking road!” Karkat screams. You glare at him because it’s not like you don’t know to watch the road. You’re stopped! Not even moving! You’re not dumb! You know better than to just turn around all willy-nilly. 

John is giggling to Karkat’s side. “Jeez, Karkat! You’re so tense! I bet you wouldn’t be like that if Kanaya was here.” 

Karkat gets suspiciously quiet for the remainder of the drive. It passes by with minor complications, even throughout the rest of the poke war.

**== > Jade: What’s up with the other car full of assholes? **

What do you mean, “other car of assholes?” You’re not an asshole! You _hang around_ a lot of assholes, though. You think shit’s pretty hilarious. You also think your little sis has the _funniest_ friends.

Your name is Meenah Peixes and you’ve decided that you’re gonna ride with your little sister and her “friends” to the amusement park. It’s Valentine’s Day, and you’re totally gonna crash these guppies little “date”. You’re gonna meet up with Por’ there.

Eridan arrives first. You slam the door open, grinning up at him with a face full of fangs. His are actually more spectacular than yours, when he actually gets going, but he gets nervous as all fuck the second he sees yours. Doesn’t even put up any resistance when you lift him up in the air, spinning around and cackling. Eridan’s used to your sisterly love. He’s pretty... Okay, the Amporas are all fucking high-strung dumbasses, but he’s a chill high strung dumbass.

Already ready to go, he stands by the door. Boy never did get used to you, no matter how many times he and his bro came over. Of course, you bully the shit out of his sleezebro greaser older brother, but a nice kind of bully. Guy deserves that shit.

Sollux comes over next, also already prepared. You hear the shitty little car first, standing up from the couch and standing next to the doorway. Eridan slowly steps away, pretending that he wasn’t creeping out of your arm’s length. You’d noogie him if you weren’t getting reading to ambush the laptop.

... Who knocks on the window. That snot-nosed lil brat!

“Yo ED I’m not even gonna come in just have FF come on out whenever she’s done doing whatever it is she’s doing.” You know he sees you when he turns. You see your own reflection in the black screen. Hell, you flip it off for good measure. He waves.

Well that’s one plan shot to tell. You stalk back to the couch, watching. No, lurking, honestly, as Feferi wanders around getting her shit all together. When they all finally get outside you move over to the window instead, pretending to be disinterested.

Eridan and Feferi actually play rock-paper-scissors for shotgun. Your lil’ sis wins, of course. Eridan always chooses scissors. You consider jogging out there and crashing into the backseat as your dramatic entrance, but you see a better opportunity.

Feferi forgets something. 

She comes running back inside, flustered, and running to her room going “how could I forget my PURSE?!” It’s fucking perfect. You haul double time, grabbing your purse and motorcycle helmet before sprinting out the open door.

Passenger side door is already open. You jump into Fef’s rightfully won seat, falling over into Sollux’s lap, and grin up at him. 

“Alright, buoys! The party has arrived! Let’s go!” You reach down and slam the gas pedal, sending his car jerking forward. He manages to get the car going in little circles before you ease up, flipping his royal shit next to you.

“Holy shit, fish! What the fucking shit?! You can’t just come into someone’s car and take it over!” 

Eridan wails from the back seat. “Why do you do this every time? Every single time!” 

“ED, why the hell didn’t you warn me about this crap?!” 

“I didn’t know she had the plans to come with!” 

“Yo digits do a favor and stop going in tiny circles in the driveway before you burn the asphalt.” There’s probably already marks. You slammed the gas pretty hard. You look up just in time to see your little sister exit the house and stop, staring at the moving car. She jogs up to you, banging at the window of the car that’s moving maybe five miles an hour max.

“MEENAH PEIXES WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

She manages to get the back door open and dispenses herself into Eridan’s lap, accidentally clocking him in the nose as she readjusts. He looks somewhere between trying desperately to be cool as a cucumber and like he’s got a stick up his ass in concentration. You let up the gas, awaiting the rant. She doesn’t much like when you decide to make her run after the car. 

“I just went inside for like a second and you steal _MY_ seat and cause chaos in the car with psychotic shenanigans!” 

You cannot stop yourself from chuckling at her puffed up face. She’s fuchsia from the forehead down to her gills. 

“Chill out, gups! I was just having a bit of fun.” 

“You have to do that _TODAY_?! This was supposed to be a nice outing. Free of butthead sisters who don’t know how to keep their hands and feet on their side of the car!” 

Well, you better apologize. You can’t deny that face. She’s too goddamn cute. “Aw, come on sis. Don’t be a sour patch kid! If it will help, I’ll even say I’m sorry.” You pause for effect. “I’m sorry”

Feferi huffs at you, sitting back in her seat. In the backseat. You figure you’re probably forgiven and situate yourself better, putting purse on the ground and helmet on your lap. Sollux hasn’t started leaving yet, but with everybody else just seeming to accept that you’re coming along, he finally puts the car into gear (oh no wonder you weren’t going that fast, you were in first) and starts driving away from the house.

“So, is no one going to address the fact that apparently Meenah’s just riding with us now?” Sollux asks, tipping his laptop at you. 

You bite back a cackle and trade it in for a chuckle while both Feferi and Eridan chime in simultaneously on your behalf. “Don’t question it. This happens all the time.” 

You end up stuck in some gnarly traffic on your way to the amusement park, Eridan does nothing but complain the entire way there. You’re prepared, you have your 3DS. And phone. And car charger. And portable speakers, which you’re using in favor of headphones because you want to hear every moment of people trying to placate the constantly wailing Ampora. You’d think he never had to wait for anything in his entire life.

Between the two of you, you seem to have set Sollux on edge. He’s white-knuckling the steering wheel. Oops.

Too bad you don’t really care. He’s funnier when he’s mad.

**Author's Note:**

> If you have questions, comments, Fan ARTS?!? Feel free to contact me or my co-author Kitten here or on tumblr. I'm easiest to reach at my art blog which is  
> Keramoondust.tumblr.com  
> and Kitten is easier to reach at her normal blog which is  
> Yourbloodthirstykitten.Tumblr.com
> 
> Thanks for reading! ~


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